decision n no decision..

25/9/2010
- D: I luv u.. Drive bek2 kmbing.. Smpai rmah msg i.. Plz plz jgn bt bkn2.. I merayu.. I tau sakit sgt.. I mntak maaf sgt2.. its really hurts for hurting u.. I syg u sgt2.. I risau psal u.. Kol i, msg i kalu u sdih.. I tau u sdih sgt2..Please..

28/9/2010
~ L: I feel worse wit myself,n i cant help 2 understand u.my weakness.my bad.i just do it all in my way.if u cant follow me anymore,u make decision 4 ur goods.im this bad person always.
- B: And u never say sorry 4 what u hv done..i learn something tonite..i hope its just 4 tonite..thanks.
~ L: Sorry is unneeded when i cant turng back.n i always cant turn back wit what i did.i just wait when the time comes 2 make decision.
~ L: U play,i play.but i dont play for nothing.im aiming 4 smthing.ur aim wil only b late 4 my time.28yrs old u mean 38yrs old me n it's already late.im nt that puppet.
- B: Decision is nothing when u never appreciate something..
~ L: Im sorry 4 being failed person 4 u.not 4 what i did.
- B: Thats make me a puppet if u try to keep me on ur aim. Every single second is hurting me on journey to ur dream. try to put urself on my shoes as well.
~ L: Ur shoes cant b my shoes coz u hav got many times while mine tiny only.my shoes nt that young as urs.
- B: I hope a sorry for ur words that u dont keep until tonite. Yes,our shoe r not the same. Understood. But,try to appreciate me as i do. I feel like a puppet 4 a long time ago. And tonite shows me that its TRUE.
~ L: My aim wil always b my only aim.when ur aim cant b mine,i cant b urs too due to my critical condition.i nk kwin.kdg i rs xleh kwin,but i stil hav that hope.
~ L: Im sorry if u feel that.i syg u,i luv u for who u r.i risks myself 4 all what i did.follow me if u luv me.if not,make ur decision.i only hav 3 yrs.marry me if u dare.
- B: I know myself. Its not the time to say i dare wif ur marriage.I just can say that ill be wif u forever.But, to follow u in this condition is something that kill me obviously.
~ L: Most important thing,i lost D in this hard situation.i lost D coz i keep u wit me.n he nt strong enough 2 stay wit me n in return he found that girl.i risk myself 4 u that time.
- B: Hmm..u should tell me earlier if that is the main reason.. And now u keep doing the same thing. U should know the result then.
~ L: If u think me isnt that worthy,throw me away,coz i cant throw u,coz i stil keep ur 'teman smpai bla2'.my aim 35..
- B: Im not saying that 'teman smpai bla2' to everyone. U r part of my life. All i've done before was sincerely 4 u. I'm totally disappointed 4 tonite.
~ L: If that so,u cn make ur decision.n tell me whether u release me,throw me or grab me.up 2 u.im stil here till 3yrs-time comes.i wish i kwin msa tu.
- B: Im walking alone in dark cold dawn at this moment. Im not throw u away. I give u a chance to walk on ur own road. I cant follow u after this as ur bf. I dont want to be a stupid puppet anymore. But, im still keep my word. Even after 30 year, im still here if u need me. Forever u r still someone special.
~ L: This means u release me.this means u wont b my aim.this means i'll go.
- B: Or else im dead on ur journey. Im a humanbeing. I've got feeling and its hurt when i need to share something special wif anonymous. Im speecless to describe my feel tonite. And its gonna take a long time to be cured. I just reached my room. But still i feel like im out of this world. Maybe i should go to somewhere.
~ L: I trime D dlu sbb u xtau nk watpe dgn i.smpai D ilg pn u stil xtau apa nk buat dgn i.how could u waste my time 4 nothing?dlu im only that special person 2 u.n nw stil is.how could u feel disappointed for wastg my time n 4 nothing?
- B: U just care of ur feeling. Did u care how im feel?? Tonite is the second disaster time in my life. 4 the second time im being cheated like before. I just feel like want to be a gay after this. its better to bleed my ass rather than break my heart.
~ L: D tgal i sbb i ada u.n i tau u xtau apa nk buat dgn i dr D dtg smpai D pegi.ni A dtg,u stil xtau apa nk buat jugak.tgu A pegi cm D or tgu A amik i?or tgu u amik i?i tgu msa tu smpai utk buang or simpan sume org.
- B: U nk i buat ape dgn u 4 this moment?? U nk i janji manis mcm D??
~ L: D yg knon nk i dlu salu ckp 'B bkn nk u pn'.but i ptahankn u smpai D buang i.n u stil dont knw what 2 do til nw.
- B: What u need me to do wif u rite now?? Or what i need to do if i need to share u wif A? Insane rite..
~ L: Ye la u muda lg,apa nk pk kwin2.kurg2 umo 28 bru nk kwin.im here.n u xnpk i.i xleh tgu 38.when this A can janji me 34,i should giv him a chance.
- B: Janji?? I bley bg u 1000 janji..i rsa i ngan u sama...but im still too naive to realize...
~ L: I'll wait this 3yrs 2 come.who wil take me,i just wait n see.if nobody,i quit.u nvr knw how hard my situation.
- B: I do understand ur situation. Ur feeling. Its hard. Yes of course. But, u just focus on urself n ur aim and u r trying to achieve wif risky method. Unfortunately, on ur journey u r bleeding my heart and soul. Did u see that? Did u realize that?
~ L: i realize n i knw that.im sorry 4 that.what u want me to do?be wit only u n teman u smpai umo u 28?
- B: I xsuro u teman i smpai 28. I yg akan teman u smpai bla2. I just nk u pk btol2 ngan keputusan u buat. Kalo A u pilih its ok for me. Tp jgn la tipu i bulat2...kalo u btau i dr awal xla sakit sgt..tp still i xbley nk terima dia if u nk i jd bf u lg. D tu pon sama. Just dia ada history ngan u je buat i rsa xsakit hati sgt.
- B: Ckup la i mkn ati time u ngan D. I xbley nk teruskan. I da btol2 lost at this moment.